Letters To Harshita

Senders Address: Unknown 

Date: 09 March 2023

Dear Harshita,
I recently heard about your father. I am sorry for your loss. You don't know me, but I have observed you for a while now. I have also lost some people in my life. I know how it feels. 

The way our hearts sinks when it hears the news. Seeing the dead body our mind just desires for them to wake up again. All the cries and moaning Ecos for days. No sign of sleep, as soon as the eyes start to shut, you are reminded of the dead face. Seeing a man, so lovely, rest lifeless. It's a sight that burns your eyes. A different environment is created.
They say the soul protects the house for 13 days they say it visits the house in these 13 days.
Harshita did you ever think,
You would see your father in just a small earth pot… such a big man and all is left are the memories and the things. You know how suddenly all the memories and moment you spend with them comes to your mind and slowly becomes golden. Suddenly, it's all gone.
All in just a moment. Chills go down your spine and your mind becomes foggy, feets as heavy as if chains are bound to them. Your mind becomes foggy, but you seem to remember every single minute detail. We struggle to even smile. Different feelings take over. I know exams are going on, I know you're a brilliant student. But please just take a little break, you don't have to come to give exams right now when your is all broken to dust. Take a little break to see inside of you, what storm is rumbling in the silence.

Try little pure meditation, sit with your spine straight, eyes closed, and maintain your breath at a steady state. Try to forget your body and think of nothing. At first, your mind will not listen to you, it roams in thoughts, soon the longer you sit in that posture with your eyes closed, the deeper you will see inside you. Tears will roll down your cheeks, and your mind will ask you many questions. It is scary at first. But with time, as you heal, it becomes your strength. It calms the storm, that rumbles beneath the eyes, and grows like a poisonous snake.

Festivals, it's the first time a holi went without any colours. All the memories flood again. To be honest, all festivals will now start with tears, all the enjoyment and excitement just evaporates. The colour less holi that I experienced was : 

Holi

A festival of emotions

full of colours, make

a rangoli of life.

All colours mixed together 

all emotions, mixed together

to form a cloud.

Which will rain, it's somber 

and joy colours, soon everything 

will be washed away.

An empty canvas will be left,

ready to be colored again,

with emotions.

An empty life will be left 

ready to be filled again 

with colours. 

A.V

"Watery tears have washed the colours,

making a place for, new colours."

You know Shri Krishna once said, ‘Relatives will cry for one day, brothers and sisters will cry for 2 days, children will cry for some more days, a life partner will cry for a month, and a mother will cry for months. But soon, time and Maya will make their effect and everyone will once again be busy in their own life.’ It's true, it takes time, and it is a slow path of healing, but with time, believe me, things do get better. The flashbacks will come, and the triggers will be there for a lifetime.

It's true, that my eyes are teary while I write this.
Knowledge cant make the pain go away, but it can help you in your path.
These are the 5 stages of grief.

Take care little soul, of yourself and your family, theirs is a lot you will learn. Senders Name: Unknown

01 Grief and Trauma 

Grief is the emotional response to loss or the process of coping with loss. This can include the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or a significant possession. Grief is a normal and natural process that can involve a range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, and despair. It can also manifest physically, causing changes in appetite, sleep patterns, and energy levels. The duration and intensity of grief can vary from person to person.

Trauma refers to an emotional response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that can cause feelings of helplessness, fear, and horror. Trauma can be caused by a wide range of events, such as physical or sexual abuse, accidents, natural disasters, or combat. Trauma can also lead to a range of mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression. It is important to seek professional help if you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of trauma.

02 Factors on which Grief Depends

There are a number of factors that can affect the grief process and the way in which an individual experiences grief. Some of these factors include:

1. The nature of the loss: The type of loss, whether it is the death of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, or the loss of a pet, can affect the grief process. Some losses may be more difficult to accept or may carry more social or cultural significance. For example, the death of a child is considered one of the most difficult losses to bear and may result in more intense grief.

2. The relationship to the person or thing lost: The closer the relationship, the more intense the grief is likely to be. For example, losing a spouse or a parent may cause more intense grief than losing a distant relative.

3. The circumstances of the loss: The way in which the loss occurred, whether it was sudden or expected, violent or peaceful, can have an impact on the grief process. Sudden and unexpected losses, such as death due to an accident or suicide, can be more difficult to accept and may lead to feelings of shock and disbelief.

4. The individual's coping mechanisms and resilience: Some individuals may have more effective coping mechanisms and be more resilient in the face of loss, while others may struggle more. People who have a history of mental health issues, people who experienced previous traumatic events or people who have low resilience may have a harder time coping with the loss.

5. Social support and community: The availability of social support and the presence of a supportive community can have a significant impact on the grief process. People with a strong support system, whether it is friends, family, or a therapist, may find it easier to cope with their loss.

6. Prior experiences with loss: A person's prior experiences with loss can also affect how they grieve. People who have experienced multiple losses may find it harder to cope with subsequent losses as they may have a tendency to reactivate previous grief.

7. Cultural, religious and personal beliefs: cultural and religious beliefs can play a role in how a person grieves and the type of support they may or may not receive. Some cultures or religions may have specific rituals or customs to help people cope with loss, while others may not. Personal beliefs about death and the afterlife can also affect how an individual grieves.

It's important to note that everyone grieves differently, and there's no "right" way to grieve. Some people may feel intense emotions right away, while others may not feel much at all; some people may cry often while others may not. All of these reactions are normal.

03 The Five Stages of Grief

The five stages of grief, as proposed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

the five stages of grief are understood as a process of adapting to a significant loss or change in one's life. Each stage is characterized by specific emotions and behaviors and can be seen as a normal and natural part of the healing process.

1. Denial: In this stage, a person may have difficulty accepting the reality of the loss. They may try to avoid thinking or talking about it, and may feel numb or in shock. This stage can serve as a temporary coping mechanism, allowing the individual some time to process the news and begin to accept it. For example, a woman named Sarah may not believe that her husband has passed away, and may keep expecting him to come home.

2. Anger: In this stage, a person may feel angry or resentful about the loss. They may blame others or themselves for the loss, and may feel a sense of injustice or unfairness. This stage is a natural part of the healing process and can help the individual to express and release their emotions.For example, Sarah may be angry with her husband for leaving her and may blame him for dying.

3. Bargaining: In this stage, a person may try to make deals or bargains with a higher power in order to lessen or reverse the loss. They may have thoughts such as "if only I had done this differently, things would be different now." This stage can help the individual to feel a sense of control and to find meaning in the loss. For example, Sarah may start praying and promising to be a better person if her husband is brought back to life.

4. Depression: In this stage, a person may feel overwhelmed with sadness and may withdraw from others. They may have difficulty sleeping, eating, or finding pleasure in activities they used to enjoy. This stage can be difficult and distressing, but it is an important part of the grieving process as it allows the individual to process their emotions and begin to accept the loss. For example, Sarah may start isolating herself, stop going to work and stop taking care of herself.

5. Acceptance: In this stage, a person begins to come to terms with the loss and may begin to move on. They may start to focus on the present and the future and may find ways to honor and remember the person or thing they have lost. This stage is not necessarily a state of happiness or resolution, but rather a state of acceptance and understanding that the loss is a permanent part of their life. For example, Sarah may start to accept that her husband is gone, and may start to remember the good times they had together.

It's important to note that people may not experience these stages in a linear fashion, and may revisit stages multiple times, also not everyone goes through all the stages. Additionally, the length of time spent in each stage can vary greatly from person to person, and some may experience more intense or prolonged emotions than others. Grief is an individual and personal experience.

04 Healing Grief

There are a variety of ways to heal grief, and what works for one person may not work for another. Some common ways to heal grief include:

1. Time: Grief can take time to heal, and it is important to allow yourself to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. It is not something that can be "fixed" or "cured," but rather something that needs to be worked through.

2. Talking about your feelings: Sharing your feelings with a loved one, a therapist, or a support group can be helpful in processing your grief. Talking about your feelings can help you to understand and make sense of them.

3. Self-care: Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally can be important in healing grief. This may include getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in activities that you enjoy.

4. Expressing emotions through art, music, or writing: Some people find that expressing their emotions through art, music, or writing can be therapeutic.

5. Practicing mindfulness: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing can help you to stay present in the moment and to focus on your breath rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

6. Finding meaning: Finding meaning in the loss can help to make sense of it and can provide a sense of closure. This may involve remembering and celebrating the person or thing that was lost, or finding ways to honor their memory.

7. Seeking professional help: A therapist or counselor can provide support and guidance for coping with grief. They can also help to identify and address any underlying mental health issues that may arise as a result of the loss.

8. Joining a support group: Joining a support group for people who have experienced similar loss can be helpful. It can provide a sense of community and can help you to feel less alone in your grief.

It's important to remember that grief is a personal process, what works for one person may not work for another. It's important to find what works for you and to be patient with yourself.